why? why me? why is it always me?
yes i know i should be grateful with what i have and what i am and how lucky i am in the sense that i have food, clothes, house and other necessities…
for the past 2 weeks i have not been myself… and i dont know whats wrong… i feel so alone… i feel empty… and whenever i m like this, i go into my emo mood, i do maths… yea i spend like 3 to 4 hours a day just doing math till wee hours of the night (its all homework la….further math what do you expect right?)
i miss everything… i miss the person i used to be… i miss the yoe who can laugh so loud that she would cry, i miss the things i used to do… i miss the yoe who doesnt care about homework… where did i go? can 1 missing person in my life change me completely into this new person who has perfectly set priorities?
i use my 2 hour break to finish homework in McD… i used to chit-chat and waste time and fool around during these 2 hours… i like the new me, who doesnt blog much and has very little to say about myself… but i miss the old me, the real me…
i have given up on everything… i just wan to go away… i feel very taken for granted… sometimes like i have nobody to turn to… the person who was always there is now gone… and i want it this way… now that he is gone, i can be someone new… just like what everyone asks me to be, someone without him… yes.
but i cant hide the fact that i still love you right? or the fact that its affecting me everytime i dont hear from you? i miss you… i miss your messages… i miss your phone calls… i miss your voice… i miss telling you everything i did… i just miss spending time with you… but you dont care do you? i m just someone you hang out with when you have no one else…
when i laugh, it doesnt last… when i m happy, its only for the weekend… ordinary days like this just makes me mourn… i become moody… i become restless… i wait patiently for a text message that i know will never come… what am i doing to myself?
my solution? do math… yup… i know you might be thinking that i am such a nerd and all that, but hey i wasnt like this before… and no i m not a nerd just because i do my homework… math just makes me calm… and it takes my mind of you… i want you away form me… i want to go away… far away… i want a new life…
i can take no more… putting on a happy face everyday despite what i m feeling inside is hard… and i cant pretend anymore… i need you… i need you to be by my side… i want to feel secure again… but i know i cant…
T.T
yoe
Hmmmm….
yes? emoing la…
yoe